A Servant's Heart: The Essence of True Helpfulness

What if the thing you call helpfulness is actually hurting you? Or worse, hurting the people you're trying to help?

Google "servant's heart" and you'll get pages of sermons, religious articles, and spiritual commentary. Almost zero business conversation. Almost zero talk about what it means to serve others in your everyday life without it becoming a church thing.

In this episode of Beyond Your Default, George and Liz dig into what it actually means to be helpful. Not the performative kind. Not the kind that comes with strings attached. The real kind. And they're not afraid to explore the dark side of helpfulness either: when it goes toxic, when it becomes people pleasing, and when your servant's heart starts running on fumes.

What a Servant's Heart Actually Means

George opens with a quote from Leo Buscaglia that sets the tone:

"Too often, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

That's the essence of what we're talking about. Not grand gestures. Not martyrdom. Just showing up for others in a way that's genuine.

"When I think about a servant's heart, it takes me back to those moments in life where you see the purest form of giving. It's those times when you can just tell that people are doing what we're doing because we genuinely care about other humans."

George breaks it down into a few core components: empathy and compassion as the heartbeat, humility to take your ego out of the equation, listening with your heart instead of just your ears, and integrity that makes people feel safe with you.

None of that requires a religious framework. It's about core human principles that can revolutionize how you interact with the world on a daily basis.

The Layers That Built a Servant's Heart

George admits he wasn't always this way. As a young man, he was a bull in a china shop. Self-focused. Out to rule the world.

"If I had won a million dollars, I would have bought everything that I would have ever wanted. It was so self-serving back in the day."

The shift didn't happen overnight. It came in layers:

After the Navy, nearly homeless, he ended up at a place called Faith Ranch. The camp director, Bill Wiley, and others poured into his soul in ways that planted the first seeds.

Later, a pastor named Dave Wright met George and his wife at the top of the bar where George worked as a bouncer. Through that relationship, he went from bouncer to youth pastor.

Then came mentors in the business world: Eric Jacobs, Marcus Sheridan with his "no secret sauce" philosophy, the original HubSpot Academy crew.

But the layer that cemented everything? A single question from Liz: "George, what would it look like if you showed up as a whole ass human?"

"I feel like all those layers before, I was, like, a half or maybe even say three-quarters unlocked. But when I heard whole ass human, I was like, I really need to just quit dinking around."

What a Servant's Heart Is Not

This is where the episode gets spicy.

Serving for applause. If you're helping because you want the pat on the back or the shiny trophy, stop it. True service is giving without thinking about what you'll get in return.

Self-centeredness disguised as service. It's easy, almost natural, to put our own needs first. But real servant-heartedness means flipping that script and putting others in the spotlight.

Superiority. Have you ever had someone help you, but it came with a side of condescension? That's not service. It's ego. Real service is standing shoulder to shoulder with those you're serving, not looking down from a pedestal.

Conditional service. "I'll help, but only if..." True servant leadership doesn't come with terms and conditions. It's open-hearted, inclusive, and unconditional.

Manipulation disguised as service. George doesn't mince words here: "In my book, that's a freaking big no-no because it's like the evil of evils. It's the opposite of what serving is all about. Authentic service is about lifting others up, not using them as stepping stones."

When Helpfulness Goes Toxic

Here's where the conversation takes a necessary turn into uncomfortable territory.

Liz shares her own experience with the dark side of helpfulness. Growing up in an abusive environment made her hypervigilant about other people's emotions. Any perceived threat to calm activated her fight-or-flight response.

"I became this consummate people pleaser with zero boundaries because I was constantly trying to keep my environment in a safe and calm state."

Her therapist asked a question that changed everything: "Are you really trying to help, or are you trying to keep the peace?"

That's the distinction that matters. There's a servant's mentality, and then there's a slave mentality. One empowers. The other destroys.

George adds another angle: enabling. When you're always tying someone's shoes for them, eventually they need to learn to tie their own shoes. Maybe it's not shoes. Maybe it's getting off drugs. Maybe it's owning their marriage. Maybe it's stepping up at work.

"If you're always doing it for little Johnny, if you're always doing it for little Susie, we're keeping them weak. And weak humans have almost no chance to live a life beyond their default."

The Empty Cup Problem

You can't pour from an empty cup. George keeps coming back to this.

"It's like trying to fill others' cups while ours runs empty. Serving others is beautiful, but it is humanly impossible to pour from an empty cup. Self care isn't selfish. It's essential."

He says it twice because it needs to land:

"Self care isn't selfish. It's essential to keep you in the game."

If you're running a marathon with no water breaks, you're going to hit a wall. You're going to feel resentment. Your own tank runs empty. And then you're no good to anyone.

How to Find the Balance

George offers a framework for keeping helpfulness healthy:

Set boundaries. Know your own territory. Where does it end? Where does someone else's begin? Understanding your limits protects your time and energy so you can be there for people who really need it in the long run.

Prioritize self-care. Schedule little pit stops in your daily race. Five minutes of meditation. Standing outside with your feet in the grass. Hitting the gym. Whatever refuels you. These should be nonnegotiables.

Practice self-awareness. Regular check-ins with yourself. How am I really doing? It's about catching early signs of stress or burnout before autopilot takes over.

Examine your motivations. Ask yourself: Why am I really doing this? Am I helping from a place of genuine care? Or am I looking for approval? Or worse, am I staying busy with helpfulness to avoid my own problems?

Liz adds two practical cues she uses: Did someone even ask for help? And when she feels the urge to help, she checks her energy tank. Does she have the time, the resources, and the desire? Or is this a moment she needs to take for herself?

What Genuine Helpfulness Looks Like

George gets real about this one, acknowledging that his wife and mother might have some thoughts after hearing it.

Be proactive. Step up before anyone has to ask. See a need, lace up your shoes. It's about being tuned in, always on the lookout for how you can make a difference.

Give without expecting anything in return. Your reward is knowing you made someone's day brighter. It's about the joy in their smile, not the pat on the back.

Be consistent and reliable. When you're consistently there, people trust that your helpfulness is genuine.

Be honest and transparent. Know what you can do and what you can't. If you're not the right person for the job, pass the baton. Pointing someone in the right direction is just as helpful.

Liz adds a powerful distinction she learned somewhere: "If you really want to help someone, tell them what they need to hear. If you want to help yourself, tell them what they want to hear."

That's the difference between being genuinely helpful and people pleasing.

Servant Leadership in Action

Liz shares a story about one of her first people managers, Sean Quill, VP of Operations at LivingSocial. He practiced something called servant leadership.

During a conversation where Liz made a comment about him being the boss, he stopped her.

"No. No. No. No. No. I don't think you understand. When I walk in here every day, I don't act like you work for me. I work for you."

A small change in how you think about something. But it was transformational. That posture shaped how Liz led her own teams: if you're not empowered for success, I am failing.

"Leave them better than I found them."

"Self care isn't selfish. It's essential to keep you in the game."

"True servant leadership doesn't come with terms and conditions. It's open-hearted, inclusive, and unconditional."

Baby Steps Toward a Servant-Minded Life

If you're trying to break out of a default that's more self-focused, George offers a practical starting point:

Start with small acts of kindness. A compliment. A helping hand. Being a little more polite in your daily interactions. These things add up. It's like planting seeds of kindness wherever you go.

Practice active listening. Really tune in when someone's talking. Flip your phone over. Ask questions that show you're actually trying to understand, not just waiting for your turn to speak.

Reflect on your actions. After you do something kind, take a moment. How did that make you feel? What impact might it have had on the other person? This isn't about patting yourself on the back. It's about understanding the ripple effect of your actions.

Set realistic goals. One act of kindness daily. A few hours of volunteering each month. It's not about overloading your plate. It's about achievable, meaningful goals that guide you on the journey.

Questions to Sit With

1. When you help others, are you truly serving them, or are you trying to keep the peace?
2. Is your cup full enough to pour into others right now? If not, what would fill it?
3. What would it look like if you showed up as a whole ass human in your relationships, your work, your life?

Listen to the full episode to hear George and Liz unpack their personal journeys with helpfulness, the warning signs that service has gone toxic, and what it really means to lead with a servant's heart.