We live in the age of spin.
Leaders massage the numbers. Marketing departments polish the message.
When a layoff happens, we call it “right-sizing.”
When we fail, we call it a “pivot.”
We are so used to “managing perceptions” that we have forgotten how to just tell the truth.
And here is the cost: Exhaustion.
It takes an incredible amount of energy to maintain a facade. You have to remember what you said, who you said it to, and how to keep the story straight.
In the Superhuman Framework, Honesty isn't just about “not lying.”
It is about Radical Candor. It is the refusal to fake it.
It is the belief that reality is your friend, even when reality hurts.
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:32
The truth doesn't just set you free from sin; it sets you free from the exhausting work of pretending.
Truth Without Love is Brutality
A warning before we go further:
Some leaders use “Honesty” as an excuse to be a jerk.
“I'm just telling it like it is!” they say, as they crush someone's spirit.
That is not the Honest Pillar. That is the Abusive Pillar.
We follow the Ephesians 4:15 model: Speaking the truth in love.
Truth without Love = Brutality
Destroys the person.
Love without Truth = Flattery
Enables the dysfunction.
Truth + Love = Growth
Honors the person and the standard.
Check Yourself
When you give feedback, is your goal to help them grow, or to vent your frustration?
The 3 Hardest Truths to Tell
If you want to be a Superhuman Leader, you have to master these three conversations:
The Truth About Performance
Most leaders wait until it's too late to tell an employee they are failing. That isn't kind; it's cowardly.
The Honest Leader says: “You are missing the mark. I want you to win, so we need to fix this now.”
The Truth About the Business
When things are bad, don't hide it. Your team already knows. When you treat them like adults, they respond like adults.
The Honest Leader says: “We missed our revenue goal. Here is the reality, and here is how we are going to fight back.”
The Truth About Yourself
This is the hardest one. Admitting you don't know. Admitting you were wrong.
The Honest Leader says: “I made a mistake in that meeting. I apologize.”
“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.”
Proverbs 12:22
The Person You Lie to Most is Yourself
Before you can be honest with your team, you have to stop lying to the person in the mirror.
Common Leader Lies:
“I'm not burned out; I'm just tired.”
(Lie)
“I can fix this toxic employee.”
(Lie)
“I'm doing this for the ministry/mission.”
(Often a lie to cover ego)
If you cannot be honest about your own limits and failures, you will never build a culture of trust.
Check Yourself
What is the one thing you are hoping no one finds out? (That is where you need to start).
Continue Your Journey
Frequently Asked Questions
The key is to separate the person from the behavior and to communicate genuine care. Start by affirming your belief in them and your investment in their success. Be specific about the behavior, not general about their character. Explain the impact without attacking their motives. Ask questions to understand their perspective. And always end with your continued commitment to them. People can receive hard truths from people they know genuinely care about them.
This is where honesty requires courage. First, distinguish between truth that must be spoken (ethical issues, harm to others) and truth that is optional (preferences, minor frustrations). For essential truths, speak them wisely but speak them—your integrity is worth more than any job. For optional truths, consider timing, approach, and whether the relationship can bear it. Sometimes honesty does have costs, but dishonesty always has greater costs over time—to your integrity, your witness, and ultimately your soul.
Appropriate vulnerability builds trust; oversharing burdens people inappropriately. Share struggles that are resolved or being addressed, not ones that create anxiety about your competence. Share in ways that model healthy processing, not in ways that make your team feel responsible for your emotions. The test is: Does this sharing serve them or serve me? Vulnerability should connect and teach, not dump and drain.
Pain is not the same as harm. Sometimes honest feedback hurts in the moment but helps in the long run—that is not harm, that is growth. The question is not "Will this hurt?" but "Is this true, necessary, and delivered with love?" Withholding truth to avoid discomfort often causes greater harm over time. The loving thing is often the honest thing, even when it stings. But always check your motives: Are you speaking to help them or to vent your frustration?
Many organizations claim to value honesty but punish truth-tellers. In such cultures, be strategic but not silent. Build relationships before challenging ideas. Find allies who share your commitment to truth. Document important concerns in writing. Choose your battles—not every hill is worth dying on. And recognize that you may eventually need to leave a culture that cannot tolerate truth. But while you are there, be as honest as you can without being reckless.
Confidentiality should be kept unless disclosure is legally required, necessary to prevent serious harm, or explicitly agreed upon. Never promise confidentiality you cannot keep. When someone shares something that must be disclosed, tell them before you tell others. The principle is: Be as trustworthy as possible while not enabling harm or breaking laws. If in doubt, consult with appropriate advisors while protecting identity as much as possible.