Cultivating a Home from Within to Create the Home We Seek Without

What if you could feel at home anywhere you go?

In this episode, George and Liz explore one of the most foundational concepts for living beyond your default: the difference between having a house and having a home. George shares a deeply personal revelation about his childhood that explains why he's been able to carry a sense of belonging with him wherever life takes him. Liz reflects on her own journey of finally using the word "home" after months of upheaval. Together, they unpack what it really means to cultivate an internal home that no tornado, no move, no life change can destroy.

A Simple Word, A Complex Topic

George put out a question on social media: When I say the word home, what do you think of immediately?

The responses ranged from spaces and places to people and family to memories. And that range tells us something important.

"While part of this conversation is gonna be this subtle but essential difference between house and home, like building and bricks and mortar versus a feeling and people in our lives versus a structure that we live in, I also really wanna dive into what if you could be at home anywhere? What if you took home with you?"

This isn't just philosophical musing for George. It's how he's lived his entire life.

The Number That Changed Everything

George reached out to his mom before this episode. He knew he'd moved a lot as a kid, but he wanted the exact number.

Her answer: 18 times by the time he was 15.

"We had moved 18 times by the age of me being 15. And I know in her calculation, she probably didn't calculate the two times I went and tried to live with my dad. So really, if you count those in, about 20 times before the age of 15, I had moved and had to call a place home."

Each move meant a new school. New friends. Closing relationships. Upheaval of everything he owned and everything he knew.

When George started reflecting on what this meant, he had what he calls an "oh crap moment."

"I have this thing called itchy feet syndrome. Meaning, when I'm at a certain location for a certain length of time, I'm ready to skirt skirt down the road."

The longest he'd ever lived anywhere was 15 years, across just two places. When his wife asked what he thought about moving to North Carolina, she got "north" out of her mouth and he said yes. Didn't even need to hear the rest.

The Chameleon Effect

Those 18 moves did something else to George. They taught him how to adapt.

"This is why I embrace and have the chameleon effect. Meaning, I can go into any situation and in an authentic way become who I need to become in that situation because between 0 and 15, I had to do that 18 if not more times in my life just to survive."

His wife noticed another pattern: "That's why it's so easy for you to bring people in and cut people out of your life. That's your default state. You've had to do that forever."

George isn't proud of all of it. But when he started to think about what makes him tick, he realized this childhood created a survival mechanism that became a superpower.

"When you are living a life beyond your default, and all of a sudden that makes you go to places that you never thought you would go, how can you have the safety, the security, the belonging, the love that you feel when you're at a physical home no matter where you go?"

Liz's First "I'm Home"

Liz had her own revelation the night before recording this episode.

She'd been living in New Haven, Connecticut for about 4 or 5 months after going through a divorce. She'd traveled to Philadelphia for a belated birthday celebration with friends. When she got back, she texted her friend: "By the way, I'm home."

Then she looked back through her messages from previous trips between New Haven and Maryland.

"That was the first time I had used that word. It was the first time I had said I'm home instead of I'm back. I made it safe. Back safe and sound."

This time last year, her life looked completely different. On paper, she had the perfect house, perfect husband, perfect job. Everything looked perfect. But as George knows from walking alongside her through the process, it was exceedingly empty.

"When I moved out on my own, even though that place had been exceedingly empty, it was still a known entity. I was really struggling a lot over the summer. And I remember I kept saying over and over again, I just wanna feel like I have a home."

Then she realized what she was actually seeking.

"What I was really seeking was a sense of belonging. Where I belong somewhere."

The Difference Between House and Home

George breaks it down simply.

A house is a building, a location, a street, a city, a state, a country. A teepee, a wigwam, a clay hut, an igloo. It could be $100,000. It could be $2,500,000. A tornado could come, and it's gone. It is something that is here but will not last forever.

A home is different. A tornado could come and do absolutely nothing, as long as you're alive.

"When I think about home, it goes into the realm of feelings. It goes into the realm of family. It goes into the realm of other groups of humans that we decide to be part of. Communities, church, online, offline. It's stored memories. And more importantly, I think it's a state of mind."

A state of mind that you allow yourself to live in.

The Light in the Darkness

George belongs to a men's group called Evolve where members create what they call their "inner badass," a persona that represents how they'd act in difficult scenarios.

His inner badass name is Sergeant Shine.

Sergeant because of his military background and the discipline it taught him. Shine because he believes he's supposed to shine his light unto the world. The militant and the spiritual coming together.

This matters because of what home really looks like when it's internal.

There's a quote from Pierce Brown that captures it: "Home isn't where you're from. It's where you find light when all grows dark."

George returns to this image throughout the episode.

"When I think about home internal, it's this light. It's this burning flame. It's this warmth, if you will, that I always make sure that I'm protecting, tending to."

That warmth consists of three things: familiarity, belonging, and love.

"When you can cultivate a self-belief, a self-love, a self-acceptance internally, this flame, this light, no matter where you are, you know who you are. Self-understanding. Self-awareness. Familiarity to yourself no matter what position you get put in. Belonging, understanding your journey took you there for a reason. Now you just need to figure out why, but you don't feel lost. You feel like you belong."

The HOME Framework

George offers a practical framework for building this internal home. Four words that spell HOME: Happiness, Originality, Mastery, and Evolution.

Happiness is an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being. Are you satisfied with yourself? With your situation? With the humans around you? Do you feel like you're doing things that give you a mindset of well-being?

George recalls asking someone in a meeting what makes them happy. Their response made him sad: "I don't know."

"If you don't know what makes you happy, if you're not on a journey to understand your happiness and actually be able to lean into joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being in your life, step one to making yourself feel like you're at home anywhere with anybody."

Originality is the ability to think independently and creatively.

"Many times, we wanna be parts of tribes because it's safe and it's easy. And many times, we wanna be part of a tribe because we know that other people will do the thinking and other people will do the doing, and we can just kinda come along for the ride."

But if you're going to unlock happiness and mastery, you have to think for yourself.

"Be your original self. Be who you were created to freaking be and lean into the independent thinking that your brain will generate in the creative ways that you'll think about."

Mastery is the comprehension or knowledge or skill in a subject or accomplishment.

"When you start to master something, there is something that happens inside of you that until it happens, you don't realize. It's like taking a 4 cylinder engine out of a car and putting in a V8 with a turbocharger."

The respect you get. The opportunities that arrive. The ease of belonging because you have your students, your schools, your craft.

"It's just a place where you can emotionally sit and be you and understand that you're enough in just who you are because you're a master of this thing."

Evolution is the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to more complex form.

"Let me say that for the people in the back seat because everybody wants to go viral. Everybody wants to be like the best thems in 2 weeks and one diet plan."

This is why you have morning habits, daily habits, goals. This is why you're journeying up the mountain.

"You're evolving into a more complex being that can do more things, make more impact, create circumstances, tell stories that impact those around you."

George's version: 1% better each and every day. That is the evolution of anybody.

What Safety Really Means

For George, home is a sense of safety. Everything he's discussed, the happiness, originality, mastery, and evolution, those are the fences and gates, the irrigation and shelter.

"I could move today. I could start a new job, totally different career, and I believe with the fences, gates, irrigation, structure that I have internally, I'd be okay. I wouldn't just survive. I would be moving into the next phase of whatever flourishing in that scenario looks like."

But what is safety from?

"The world is a crazy place, and there are a lot of things being thrown at you. When I say safe or safety, it's being able to not be shifted by the sands of culture, not being shifted by worldly views, not being shifted by the fact that your dad wants you to be a doctor or your mom wants you to be an artist."

Safety in understanding that it's your life to live. That you are the captain, the master of your destination.

"This idea of keeping you as a whole ass human instead of these particles of how the world and everybody else thinks you should be."

He also means safety from the depression and anxiety that run rampant in our world. Safety from people who would steal your joy. Safety from life punching you in the face.

"If my home is internal, I can build my own security system. It's gonna keep me in a better place and headed in a better direction."

For Those Who Don't Belong Yet

Liz poses the question many listeners might be feeling: What if I don't have that spark yet? What if I can't shake the feeling that I don't belong here?

George's response starts with the spark metaphor.

"To have the spark, you have to have the right elements. You have to have the starter, the wood. Are you doing everything you can to have the things that you need in your life in place for you to actually create that spark and then turn it into a fire?"

He offers Maya Angelou: "I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself."

He offers Proverbs 24:3-4: "A house is built by wisdom, and it is established by understanding. By knowledge, the rooms are filled with every precious and beautiful treasure."

Then he asks the harder question.

"How much time are you filling your rooms with precious and beautiful treasure? What are you inputting into your brain? What are you inputting into your body? What are you inputting into your spirit? How are you being an interior decorator to the cranium that you've been provided?"

If you've ever heard yourself say "I don't belong here," George has a reframe.

"You're on a journey for home. And when I say that, I mean the real home. Not a physical building, not a fleeting moment in time, not a few people that you happen to be born around or hang out with. But the real home, the internal home that you can take with you anywhere you go as long as you live."

Quotable Moments

"Home isn't where you're from. It's where you find light when all grows dark."

"When you can cultivate a self-belief, a self-love, a self-acceptance internally, this flame, this light, no matter where you are, you know who you are."

"Be your original self. Be who you were created to freaking be."

"I wouldn't just survive. I would be moving into the next phase of whatever flourishing in that scenario looks like. Not just making it by, but taking it by storm."

"If you've ever heard yourself say 'I don't belong here,' you're on a journey for home.

"You have the power, you have the ability. We are trying to give you catalyst moments and lessons so that you can have this internal feeling and power to just be an amazing human."

Your One Thing

George's takeaway: If you want to build a home inside of you, if you want to focus on how to live a life that is harmony of mind and energy, focus on happiness, originality, mastery, and the journey of evolution to who you can become. That's the HOME framework. That's what you can take with you anywhere.

Liz's takeaway: What you're really seeking when you say you want a home is a sense of belonging. And belonging doesn't have to come from outside of you. It can start with recognizing that wherever your journey has taken you, you're there for a reason. Even if you don't know what that reason is yet.

Reflection Questions

1. When was the last time you used the word "home" to describe where you are? Was it about a place, or was it about a feeling?
2. If you were to rate yourself on the HOME framework right now, happiness, originality, mastery, and evolution, which one needs the most attention?
3. What external forces have been shifting your sense of safety? Culture? Other people's expectations? Your own negative self-talk?
4. George asks: How much time are you filling your rooms with precious and beautiful treasure? What are you inputting into your brain, body, and spirit?
5. If you could take your sense of home with you anywhere, what would need to change about how you think about yourself?

Ready to go deeper? Press play above and hear George unpack his 18 moves before age 15 and what it taught him about building a home that can't be destroyed. If you've ever felt like you don't belong, this episode might be the catalyst moment you've been looking for.

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