Finding Happiness in Times of Hopelessness

George was sitting in one of his evolved leadership meetings when one of the men started sharing his life struggle. Another man offered advice: "You have to do what makes you happy."

George watched the face of the man who received this advice. Everything in his expression said that this was registering zero in his brain.

George stopped the conversation. "Hold up. Hang on. What makes you happy?"

There was a longer than life pregnant pause.

Finally: "I don't know."

George's response: "That's what you need to figure out first."

The Data Nobody Wanted to Hear

Liz opened the episode with research that landed hard.

For the first time ever, the United States did not crack the top 20 happiest countries in the world. The reasons are layered. Global events. Long-tail consequences of the pandemic. Lack of optimism about the future. Increased political polarization. And a marked rise in loneliness, particularly among younger generations who grew up in more remote education and work environments.

Search volume for "how to just be happy" has doubled, tripled, and quadrupled in the past five to six years.

George's reaction was direct: "People are searching Google for an answer that Google can't give them. People are searching for an answer to a question that many times they can't give themselves."

The Man Who Stopped Watching the News

George shared one of the biggest decisions he made that took him from very unhappy to a place where he could start building a framework for his personal happiness.

He stopped watching the news.

"This was a choice for happiness, not a choice for ignorance. Because there's a big difference there."

He challenged listeners to search "news and personal health" or "is the news healthy for me?" and take a journey to see if this might be something to change.

"When you are fed these stories in this echo chamber and this reason for ratings, every night and every morning and on your drive, you're feeding this into yourself. Garbage in, garbage out. Is the news for you the garbage that is coming in?"

He shared a story about a friend who was a massive worrywart. George asked him to stop watching the news for just one week. At the end of the week, he asked how his friend felt.

"Dude, I feel so much better."

"Okay. Now what?"

"I'm gonna watch the news."

"No. Come on. What are you doing?"

The Helicopters Over Annapolis

Liz brought nuance to the conversation about news consumption. She acknowledged the privilege of being able to step away from the news entirely. Some people have friends and family members whose daily lives are impacted by what's happening in the world.

Then she shared something she and George had never discussed.

Five of her friends were killed in the Capital Gazette newsroom shooting in Annapolis.

"The day after the shooting when the whole town shut down and we had a quiet candlelight vigil, everyone was silent, but the only thing you could hear were news helicopters overhead."

She watched people on the news debate topics at a time that was not appropriate. It made her realize something that changed her relationship with news forever.

"They really didn't care about us. They didn't care about what we were going through. We were a product. Our town was a product."

She will never forget the smell of all the candles burning, the feel of the breeze on her face, how silent it was except for the crying and the helicopters.

The Two Questions Everyone Should Answer

George asked listeners to pause the episode and answer two questions before continuing.

Question 1: What is happiness?

Question 2: What is happiness to me?

These are two different questions. One is about happiness in general. The other is about what happiness means for you specifically.

For most people, happiness involves feeling good, having good relationships, doing things that matter, reaching goals, feeling positive, being satisfied with life, and having a reason to get up in the morning.

But George's personal definition went somewhere unexpected.

"For me, it's 70 to 80% servanthood and 20 to 30% selfishness. But it's 100%. 100% of this happiness is designed and deployed for the purpose I feel like I've been put on this planet to achieve."

The Positive Selfishness

The 70 to 80% servanthood piece was about George's purpose. Growing and getting better. Teaching others. Sharing stories and helping. Creating community. Encouraging people to be genuine and true to themselves.

But the 20 to 30% selfishness part connected to something Liz had challenged him on in a previous episode about self-care.

"I have to be selfish with my time to go on my walks or my time to meditate or my time to do devotions. Because if I'm not selfish in the positive things that I need to put in my life, then life will steal the time that I should be implementing those in."

If he wants to serve other people and help them be happy, he has to take those times to do the things that make him feel loved and whole.

The Question That Took a Hard Right Turn

George was exploring the idea that instead of trying to manufacture happiness, maybe the work is removing the obstacles that are in the way of happiness so you can just be happy.

Then his brain went somewhere uncomfortable.

"Am I someone's happiness obstacle? And if so, then what?"

He didn't have an answer. But he thought it was important to share where his brain went.

"If it is my job to remove happiness obstacles so that I can therefore be happy, am I a roadblock for somebody in my life? And what does that mean to them? And what does it mean to me?"

Liz responded by sharing that she was currently going through an experience where she could see an echo of unhappiness she had created for someone else.

"Am I loving the experience I'm going through right now? No. Don't love it. But I can be grateful for the lesson, the mirror that's being held up to past behaviors that makes me mindful going forward of what is the role I play in other people's lives in terms of their happiness."

What People Get Wrong About Happiness

George listed six things.

Happy does not need perfection. Thinking everything must be perfect to be happy can make you unhappy. True joy often comes from loving life's imperfections and finding happiness even when things aren't perfect.

Happiness is more than just feeling good. It's not just about laughing or having fun. It's about feeling satisfied with your life, achieving your goals, and feeling proud of what you've done.

Happiness includes dealing with stress. Believing that you must be stress-free to be happy is not truth. Facing challenges and overcoming them can actually make you feel more fulfilled.

Happiness isn't a straight line. It goes up and down. It's normal to have good days and bad days. You shouldn't be beating yourself up over some of those bad days.

Happiness is not just about success. Chasing success won't always make you happy. Real happiness comes from within, not just from winning awards or earning more money. George shared that he quit chasing success about three to four years ago and started chasing significance instead. "It's a dramatically different race."

Happiness takes time. You can't buy it or get it instantly. It comes from living a life that's meaningful to you, growing as a person, and enjoying the journey.

The Platitude That Needs to Die

Liz had strong words about one particular piece of advice.

"Anybody who looks at you when you are having a tough time or actually experiencing something and says, your happiness is a choice. No. It isn't."

Happiness isn't a light switch. She compared her relationship with happiness to a literal relationship where you need couples counseling. Getting back on the same terms. Making sure you're wanting the same things.

"I had basically been rehabilitating my relationship with happiness for over a year, and I'm still unwilling to define it for myself because I'm still relearning what that means."

Her message to anyone who tells you to just "choose to be positive" and "buck up": "Send them my way and then send them your therapy bills."

The Contrast in Distance

George was honest about his discomfort with the question about working through moments of hopelessness.

"I don't know if it's because I'm so activated in the victor versus victim mentality at this point, or if it is that I have understood the assignment and I have my treasure map and I know where the x is. But when I saw this word hopelessness, I was like, nope."

He finds happiness in micro moments. Feet in crisp, cool grass. Sitting at his back table with coffee and a cigar watching a sermon. Playing blackjack with his wife. A nice steak or a warm buttered roll. Sunset and sunrise. Petting his dog. Seeing his kids become who they're trying to grow up to be.

Liz's response illuminated something important.

"There is more time and distance between who you are now and those moments. I'm very close to some of mine."

She offered different advice for anyone still in the thick of it.

"Ask for help. Whether that's professional, whether that's in your community, whether that's friends, family. It is not wrong to ask for help. It is not wrong to feel feelings of hopelessness."

In her own moments of hopelessness, which were not too far in her rearview mirror, she didn't wake up and decide to meditate herself to happiness.

"I just continued to get up every morning and try again and allow time to do its thing without stopping trying or asking for help when I needed it."

The Moon Over Washington

Liz shared a moment from the morning of the recording. She had left her backpack with everything on an Amtrak train. Her heart was in her chest as she frantically drove to DC to retrieve it.

But as she was driving in, she watched the moon set over the Washington DC skyline. It was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen.

George named what happened: "Happiness in chaos."

Liz agreed. A year ago, driving into the city like that, she would have been in a full-blown panic attack for an hour and a half. Even though all the data showed everything was going to be fine, she would have struggled to find any positivity.

Something had changed.

The Weekly Challenge

George ended with a specific practice.

"The number one thing most of us humans should focus on is practicing gratitude. This simple yet powerful habit can profoundly impact your overall well-being and perspective on the life that you're actually living in the moment."

Gratitude helps shift focus from what's missing or negative to what's abundant and positive.

The challenge: Get a piece of paper, a whiteboard, or anything to keep a weekly journal of all the positive things that happen in your life over the next seven days.

"Keep a journal of all the positive things that happen in your life as you travel this path to a life of happiness, to a life beyond your default."

Quotable Moments

"People are searching Google for an answer that Google can't give them. People are searching for an answer to a question that many times they can't give themselves."

"I think people are trying to manufacture happiness instead of just being happy. Instead of trying to manufacture happiness, it's how do I remove the obstacles that are actually in the way of my happiness so that I can just be happy."

"Am I someone's happiness obstacle? And if so, then what?"

"Understanding and accepting who you are is key to a happy and fulfilling life."

"There is extreme power in finding joy in life's surprises. Less control, more flow. More water, less wall."

"It is never a crime to ask for help. The strongest people know when to reach out and not do things alone."

Questions to Sit With

1. What is happiness? And what is happiness to you specifically? Are those the same answer?
2. What obstacles are currently blocking your happiness that you could remove? And are you someone else's happiness obstacle?
3. What micro moments bring you joy that you might be overlooking in the pursuit of something bigger?

Press play above to hear the full conversation. George and Liz go deep into declining global happiness data, the personal stories that shaped their own relationships with happiness, the positive selfishness required to maintain it, and the question nobody wants to ask themselves about their role in other people's happiness.