How to Process the Angers of Your Past to Step Into Your Destiny

What if the thing you've been storing inside you for years is doing more damage to you than to the person who put it there?

Anger has a way of convincing us it's protecting us. That holding onto it is somehow justice. But here's the truth: you're not punishing anyone but yourself. And the longer it stays, the more it corrodes.

What This Episode Explores

George and Liz dig into the messy relationship most of us have with anger. Where it comes from. Why we store it. How it connects to fear, forgiveness, and our ability to love ourselves. And what to do when you realize it's been running the show longer than you thought.

The Lessons That Matter

Anger Is the Center Point of Everything Else

George makes a connection early in the episode that stopped me cold.

"It's extremely hard to do when you're filled with anger," he says, "is understand this relationship between fear, this relationship between forgiveness, this relationship between loving yourself. Anger is almost like the center point of several very important pieces."

Think about that. All the work you've done on fear. On forgiveness. On learning to love yourself. Anger can undo it all if you haven't dealt with it.

Mark Twain put it this way: "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

You're the vessel. And the acid is eating through you while the person you're angry at goes about their life without a second thought.

For you: What anger are you still storing that's doing more damage to you than to anyone else?

The Moment George Knew He Had a Problem

George gets as vulnerable as he's ever been in this episode.

He describes a moment where anger turned physical. Where he went from rage to fear in 0.3 seconds because he realized he could lose everything. He won't share all the details. Some things belong on a therapist's couch. But what he does share is what led him there.

"I was mad at my math teacher for telling me I would never amount to anything, and I had never unpacked that," he says. "I was very frustrated that I came from divorced parents. I hadn't unpacked the fact that it was probably actually better. I was mad that I had historically been divorced myself because it was something I said I would never do."

None of those things had anything to do with the moment. But they were all stored up. Festering. Waiting.

"It was just this bubbling cauldron of toxicity waiting to explode. And unfortunately, it did in the way that it did because I wasn't equipped with many of the things that we're gonna talk about today."

For you: What are you storing that has nothing to do with the moments when you explode?

Grizzly Bear Dad vs Zen Dad

George shares something his kids say about him.

"If I ask my kids how many dads they had, they'd probably say they have 2 dads. They had grizzly bear dad and they had zen dad."

Grizzly bear dad was the version before he started doing the work. The one who stored everything up. Who subscribed to walk it off and man up. Who refused to unpack anything because that's what men do.

Even now, with all the tools he's built, grizzly bear dad still shows up sometimes. He tells a story from just that weekend. Thanksgiving. A fight over a light switch.

"I wanted the light on, but somebody turned the light off. And I lost my mind. But I had to come back a day later and apologize to the whole family for being angry."

Here's what's different now. He apologized. And he diagnosed what was really happening.

"I'm angry at myself right now because I went on a journey where I lost 79 pounds, and now I'm back up to my beginning weight. And I'm angry at myself right now, and I let it come out in a way that it shouldn't have come out."

That guy, the one who can name what's actually happening, didn't exist before.

For you: Which version of you shows up when you get angry? And do you know what's really driving it?

The Difference Between Response and Rage

George draws a critical distinction.

Response anger is healthy. Someone punches you in the face? You're going to feel anger. That's not bad. Someone's stealing your car? Anger makes sense. It's a signal that something is wrong.

Rage is different. Rage is what happens when you've stored things up for years. When the explosion has nothing to do with the moment. When the person in front of you gets hit with decades of unprocessed pain.

"That person didn't do jack squat," George says. "And all of a sudden, they've got this toxic crap all over them. That's unhealthy."

Here's where it gets deeper. George started researching the connection between trauma and anger. What he found changed how he understood his own patterns.

"Trauma interacts in the present based on the past. So when you think about this rage, you have to be like, man, am I angry, or have I just not dealt with some historical trauma?"

For you: When you explode, is it response or rage? Is it about what just happened, or what happened years ago?

The RAIN Framework

George shares a framework for processing anger in the moment. It spells RAIN.

Recognize. When your face gets flushed, your shoulders tense, your breathing changes, recognize it. Don't ignore it. Don't wipe it off the whiteboard of life. Name what's happening.

Allow. This doesn't mean allow yourself to explode. It means stop fighting the feelings underneath the anger. We push them down. We shove them back. Instead, let them exist long enough to understand them.

Investigate. This is where the real work happens. Turn the microscope around. Ask yourself: Who am I right now? Who have I become to feel this way? What part did I play? What lessons can I learn? Who do I want to be?

Nurture. Once you've done the work, nurture yourself through it. Like a mother with a newborn. Gently. With care. You're rebuilding something.

For you: Which part of RAIN do you skip? Recognition? Investigation? Where does your process break down?

Name What You're Actually Feeling

Liz adds something powerful to the investigation piece.

"One of my favorite little games to play in that moment is I'm not allowed to say I'm angry. What are 3 different words I can say for what I'm feeling right now?"

Anger is often just the covering. Underneath it might be shame. Hurt. Grief. Feeling disrespected. Feeling unloved. Feeling left out.

"I'm not angry. I'm hurt that I was left out. I'm not angry. I feel disrespected. I'm not angry. I'm ashamed."

George builds on this with a simple phrase to add after "I'm angry": because I feel.

"You made me angry because I feel dishonored. This makes me angry because I feel unloved."

Now you're getting somewhere.

For you: Next time you feel anger rising, force yourself to finish the sentence: "I'm angry because I feel..."

Turn Toxic Fuel Into Ethanol

Here's where the episode turns.

George's anger at his math teacher was toxic for years. He wanted to punch the man in the face. But eventually, that same anger became the fuel that drove him to prove him wrong. To become an educator. To build everything he's built.

"The Beyond Your Default podcast may have never happened. The book may have never happened if my math teacher didn't tell me I'd never amount to anything."

His anger at coming from divorced parents? It became the fuel for his commitment to staying power in relationships.

"We can take this cauldron of toxicity that sits in us because we ignore it, we don't unpack it, and we can put it through the refinery," George says. "And when we refine that toxic blah blah blah, all of a sudden it can come out in positive energy that we use for the things that we need to do."

For you: What anger are you holding that could be refined into fuel for where you're going?

Quotable Moments

"Anger is almost like the center point of several very important pieces. It's extremely hard to understand your relationship with fear, forgiveness, and loving yourself when you're filled with anger."

"My math teacher hurt me once. I continue to hurt myself over and over and over again."

"Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools." — Albert Einstein

Your Next Move

George closes with a challenge borrowed from Albert Einstein: "Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools."

Don't live your life as a fool. Don't dance in the realm of foolishness. Because fools rarely make it to a life beyond their default.

Here's your assignment:

Devise a plan. When anger rises, what will you do? Walk away? Count to 10? Breathe from your diaphragm? Use your name and talk yourself down? Know your move before you need it.

Ask the investigation questions. Who am I right now? What part did I play? What lessons can I learn? Who do I want to be?

Finish the sentence. "I'm angry because I feel..." Don't stop at angry. Get to what's underneath.

Decide: keep it or release it. Is this anger fuel for where you're going? Or is it toxic waste that needs to go?

You can take everything you're carrying and turn it into energy for the climb. Let it be your fuel. Don't let it make you a fool.

Ready to hear the full conversation? Press play above. George shares the story of grizzly bear dad, the light switch incident, and the moment he realized anger had become the center point of everything else in his life.