Set Healthy Expectations to Cultivate Confidence, Self-Trust, + Growth

What if the reason you're unhappy has nothing to do with what you've achieved and everything to do with what you expect?

Most of us were trained from childhood to chase the approval of others. Get the grade. Get the praise. Get the attaboy. But somewhere along the way, we confused expectations with goals, and it's been quietly wrecking our ability to trust ourselves ever since.

What This Episode Explores

George and Liz dig into the difference between healthy and unhealthy expectations, why most of us have been set up to fail from the start, and how to build a set of baseline expectations that actually lead to confidence, growth, and a life you can be proud of.

The Lessons That Matter

Expectations and Goals Are Not the Same Thing

This might be the most important distinction in the entire episode.

George breaks it down: "A goal is a dream, a possible destination. Goals are there to stretch us. Aspiration and drive. The goal is the top. Goals can be lofty."

But expectations? Different animal entirely.

"An expectation is something I must do. It's got to happen. And if not, humans, myself or others, are going to be frustrated. Expectations are the bottom baseline that I need to meet. Expectations need to be realistic and in line with what we do and who we will be."

Here's where most of us get it wrong. We treat our goals like expectations. We set a lofty target, and when we miss it, we beat ourselves up like we failed some fundamental requirement of being human.

George puts it plainly: "If you had a goal to educate yourself for 8 hours a day, and you did 6 hours and 59 minutes, you'd be happy because at least you're headed in the right direction. But if it's an expectation, and you did 7 hours and 59 minutes, you're frustrated and mad at yourself because you did not meet your expectation."

Same outcome. Completely different emotional response. All because of how you labeled it.

For you: What have you been calling an expectation that's actually a goal? And what would change if you started treating it that way?

The Perfectionism Trap

George shares something that kept him stuck for years.

"I used to have a very unhealthy approach. Well, I can't do that because I know my grammar and spelling sucks. It won't be perfect, so let's not do it at all."

Read that again. He wouldn't create anything because it wouldn't be perfect.

"You know the amount of content I've created that has helped humans that has jack shit to do with grammar and spelling? But it took me forever to get there because of this unhealthy, unkind expectation of myself to be perfect."

Here's the truth bomb: Perfectionism is an expectation you've set on yourself. Or worse, it's an expectation someone else set on you that you adopted as your own.

And it's unachievable.

"I'm not gonna be a perfect parent. I'm not gonna be a perfect boss. I'm not gonna be a perfect human. Guess what that equals? That equals freaking freedom."

Freedom. Not failure. Freedom.

"The understanding that perfection shouldn't be an expectation because it's unachievable for anybody frees me. You know what? Freedom equals happiness and joy."

For you: What are you not doing because it won't be perfect? What would you create if you let that expectation go?

George's Seven Expectations

This is where the episode gets real. George shares the actual expectations he holds for himself. Not goals. Not destinations. Baseline commitments to who he chooses to be.

Be a blessing bomber. Wherever he goes, he's watching and listening for moments to be a blessing to someone else.

Give them your best. He could be having the worst day of his life. Fighting with his wife. $5 in the bank. Stubbed toe. Spilled coffee. But when he steps on stage or gets on a call, none of that shows. Give them your best.

Lead with love. Leave people better than you found them. Every interaction. Every piece of content. Every business decision.

Positive intent. Things are gonna happen. Assume the best interpretation. Be happy, helpful, humble.

Be a light into the world. Show up with energy that illuminates, not drains.

Seeds over 2x4s. Instead of beating people over the head with beliefs, just plant seeds. Let them grow where they will.

Do good work. Whatever you do, do it at your best. Even if your best that day isn't great, it's still your best.

Notice something about this list?

"None of these are destinations. None of these are I'm going to achieve this, be this. It's literally just a set of baseline programmed narratives that run in my brain that tell me this is who I will be. This is how I will show up. It has nothing to do with what those expectations will allow me to achieve as the goals of my life."

For you: What are your baseline expectations for how you show up? Could you write them down right now?

We've Been Set Up for Failure

George doesn't sugarcoat it.

"We've been taught that it's all about the expectations of others. If you get an attaboy or an attagirl, then you'll be happy."

Think about it. From the time you were a kid, happiness was tied to external validation. Good job, Johnny. You got an A on the test. Your parents were pleased. Your teacher gave you a gold star.

"If you sit at the base of a tree and think about all the times that you were happy and tie it back to the fact that it was somebody saying something to you that was an attaboy or attagirl version. And then write down the times that you've given yourself an attaboy or attagirl for meeting a set expectation. And just look at the list."

The second list is probably a lot shorter.

That's the problem. We were conditioned to source our sense of success from other people. And when you build your life on that foundation, you're always one criticism away from feeling like a failure.

Liz gets vulnerable here. She admits that for a long time, her expectation was simple: if other people are happy, then I'm doing a good job.

"On the surface that doesn't necessarily sound like a negative. But if you are living in a constant state where your ability to self actualize, your ability to say I am doing well, I am doing right, this is what success looks like, is entirely held within the brains of other people? You're gonna have a problem."

For you: Where are you still chasing someone else's approval instead of setting your own expectations?

Zero Expectations of Others

This one might sound harsh at first. But stay with it.

George says he holds zero expectations for the humans around him.

"Do I have hopes for them? Do I wish they would do things? Absolutely. But those are different words than expecting."

He credits Gary Vaynerchuk for this reframe. And once he heard it, something clicked.

"I realize the amount of things that I expected from people in my past and how toxically hateful it made me. Well, I expected you to stay together. Well, I expected you to treat me right. Well, I expected you to show up in a certain way. A lot of my anger was fueled by unmet expectations that I shouldn't have ever had on other humans."

This doesn't mean you stop caring. It means you stop setting yourself up to be disappointed by things you can't control.

Bruce Lee said it this way: "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you're not in this world to live up to mine."

For you: What expectations do you have of others that are fueling your frustration? What would happen if you released them?

What To Do When You Fall Short

Because you will. We all do.

George's answer is simple but not easy: "Lead with love. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Realize you're only human. Realize nobody's perfect. And then take action."

If your expectation affected someone else, ask for forgiveness. If it was internal, forgive yourself and move forward.

"It's not failure. It's just a lesson."

He breaks it down practically. Let's say your expectation is to assume positive intent. Then Bobby shows up. Bobby is a bigger butthead than you were ready for. You react instead of respond.

What now?

"What lesson can I learn for when the next Bobby shows up in my life? How can I make sure that I don't get Bobby again?"

Don't beat yourself up. Learn the lesson. Bob and weave next time. Get back up.

For you: When you fall short of your own expectations, do you treat it as failure or as a lesson?

Quotable Moments

"I'm not gonna be a perfect parent. I'm not gonna be a perfect boss. I'm not gonna be a perfect human. Guess what that equals? That equals freaking freedom."

"As soon as I have expectations of others, I'm doing what I know I don't want people to do to me."

"Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations." — Ralph Marston

Your Next Move

George closes with a question that cuts straight to the center: When you think about the word success, when you think about living a life beyond your default, what are your expectations?

Not your goals. Not your dreams. Your baseline. The non-negotiables for how you show up.

Here's your assignment:

Separate expectations from goals. Look at everything you're holding yourself to. Which ones are lofty destinations you're striving toward? Which ones are baseline commitments to who you are? Label them correctly.

Write your own list. What are your 5 to 7 expectations for how you show up in the world? Not what you want to achieve. Who you choose to be and refuse not to be.

Release expectations of others. You can have hopes. You can have wishes. But holding expectations for things you can't control is a recipe for frustration. Let them go.

Practice self-compassion. When you fall short, and you will, lead with love. Forgive yourself. Learn the lesson. Get back up.

You're not on this planet to live up to anyone else's expectations. And they're not here to live up to yours. But while you're here, you get to decide what your baseline is. Set it. Meet it. Raise it.

That's how you build confidence. That's how you build self-trust. That's how you grow.

Ready to hear the full conversation? Press play above. George shares his seven expectations, Liz gets vulnerable about the expectations she inherited, and together they unpack why most of us have been confusing goals with expectations our entire lives.