Healthy Boundaries That Fortify Your Path, Foster Growth, and Peace

What if the reason you're exhausted has nothing to do with how hard you're working and everything to do with what you're allowing?

You've been saying yes when you mean no. You've been tolerating things that should have stopped years ago. You've been so focused on keeping everyone else happy that you forgot you were even in the equation. And now you're tired. Not the kind of tired sleep fixes. The kind that makes you wonder how you built an entire life that drains you.

What This Episode Explores

George and Liz dig into the topic most people avoid: boundaries. What they actually are. Why most of us don't have them. How generational dysfunction programs us to accept the unacceptable. And what it looks like to finally draw the property lines of your life and protect what matters.

The Lessons That Matter

Boundaries Are Not What You Think They Are

George starts by clearing up the confusion.

"If you bring this up in certain circles, you'll say boundaries and people will say, 'Oh, yeah. I have rules in my life.' No. No. No. Rules are not boundaries. Boundaries are not rules."

Here's the distinction that matters.

Rules are guidelines set to dictate or control others' behaviors. Boundaries are personal guidelines set by an individual to protect their own well-being and values.

Different. Completely different.

George keeps going. People confuse boundaries with ultimatums. With casting someone out of your life. With limitations.

"Limitations are these places that we put ourselves into based on fear, insecurities, lack of belief in ourselves. Boundaries are about knowing and communicating what is acceptable and healthy for oneself and the relationship."

Then he drops something that reframes everything.

"So many times when we think about boundaries, we think of them as being external. These fences. These walls. I want us to think of them as internal just as much as external. We have to protect ourselves from ourselves with our well-being and our values many times in our life."

For you: Have you been confusing boundaries with rules, limitations, or walls? What would change if you saw them as property lines instead?

Property Lines, Not Prison Walls

George introduces a visual that sticks.

"Think of boundaries as property lines. Most property lines are invisible. You really can't see them. But you can put a fence on your property line. It could be a fence that everybody can see through. Or it could be the wall of all walls."

Here's what that means practically.

If you own property, you have freedom to do whatever you want on your land. But you also have responsibility to maintain it. Others don't get to do what they want on your land. They can do what they want on their land. Not yours.

Now take that mental and apply it to your life.

"Boundaries define who you are, how you show up, who you will be. They give you freedom and control of the relationships and conversations you'll have. They show you how responsible you're being for yourself and for those around you."

George takes it further. Think of the boundaries inside your mental house as rooms with doors. Every door has a peephole.

"You can look out. Oh, that's somebody selling bug services. I ain't opening the door. Oh, that's my best buddy. I'm gonna open the door."

For you: Do you have a map of your life in your brain? Are your property lines drawn on it?

Two Recovering People Pleasers Walk Into a Podcast

Both George and Liz admit something in this episode. They're recovering people pleasers.

George goes first.

"Historically, I'm the type of person who, I need you to love me. I need you to want me. If we're not good, I'm not good. To a fault where, 'Oh, you wanna go do those 7 things that I absolutely hate doing? Okay. Let's go.' Just terrible. People pleasing."

But here's where it comes from.

"It's a trained response because when you live in a war zone, you're willing to jump on all the grenades for the safety of the others around you."

Liz shares her origin story. Growing up with an alcoholic mother between ages 6 and 14, she was put in an adult caregiver role before she even knew what that meant.

"As a kid, you're not advocating for yourself. You don't even know you're supposed to advocate for yourself. When I think about boundaries, I'm not sure I ever said this to myself, but when I was younger, boundaries for thee and not for me."

She couldn't get herself to a place of self worth where she thought she deserved boundaries. She was constantly hypervigilant around other people's emotions instead of regulating her own.

"We're not actually pleasing ourselves. We're trying to heal a wound that is within, and it has nothing to do with anybody else."

For you: Are you a recovering people pleaser? What wound are you trying to heal by making everyone else happy?

What Changed for George

George shares the shift.

"Frankly, right now, I don't care. If you like me, you don't like me. If you wanna hang out with me, you don't wanna hang out with me. Those people who wanna like me, wanna hang out with me, wanna be heading in the same direction? Sweet. We can do that."

So what changed?

"I finally reached a point in my life that I started to believe in myself. I stopped running historical narratives. I stopped believing in the historical dysfunction. I did start to set these boundaries. And as you set more boundaries, as you believe in yourself more, as you love yourself more, some things that once were acceptable just become unacceptable in life."

He describes a moment many of us have had.

"Have you ever dealt with where you got to a point where something happened, and you're like, how did I ever accept that? How was that ever okay? I shouldn't let anybody treat me that way. But the fact that it was me treating me that way? Like, what is going on right now?"

That realization is the starting point.

For you: What are you currently accepting that you know is unacceptable?

Renovate the Room

George introduces a powerful metaphor.

"Most times, if you think about this, you have a historically bad journey with boundaries, and it leads into being a people pleaser because of the limitations that we've put in our lives due to fear, due to insecurity, due to pain."

But here's what we forget.

"We don't realize that we can renovate. We don't realize that we can put a window in that room. We don't realize that we can hang a pretty picture or we can put an extra door in. We don't realize that mentally, physically, affirmationally, we can renovate the space that we feel that we're destined to live in."

Liz adds to this. She talks about running into past versions of ourselves when we walk into rooms we haven't been in since we were somebody else.

"How did I ever function like this? There are no windows in this room. I don't even know how I got in this room because there's no door. It is amazing what we will consider acceptable when we give ourselves away by slow degrees."

For you: What room in your life needs renovation? What door needs to be added? What window needs to be opened?

Signs You Have Boundary Issues

George lays out the symptoms.

Overcommitting. Regularly taking on more than you can handle. Feeling pressured to agree to every request.

Difficulty making decisions. Relying exclusively on others for decisions that could be made by you.

Tolerating disrespect. Allowing others or yourself to treat you disrespectfully without addressing it.

Feeling overwhelmed or drained. Exhausted, especially after interactions with certain people. Walking out of rooms feeling like you've been in 7 rounds with a heavyweight champion.

Neglecting self care. Consistently putting others' needs before your own to the point where your own well-being suffers.

Liz adds another sign. When you notice others holding boundaries for themselves that, if you did the same, would be a problem. That's usually a sign you have unhealthy boundaries with those people.

For you: Which of these symptoms do you recognize in yourself?

George's Actual Boundaries

This is where the episode gets practical. George shares his list.

Flip the phone. When he's with a human, the phone goes face down on silent. Nothing is that important.

Define who I am. Only he gets to define who he is and who he will be. Not historical voices. Not people who said he'd never amount to anything.

Stay humble. After a motorcycle accident at 26 or 27 caused by ego, he watches for that to creep back in.

No illegal drugs. He needs a clear head. He's clear about this.

Don't let clients treat the team wrong. He'll fire a client who treats his team badly. "I don't need your money, and I don't need your chaos."

Same in personal life. Toxic relationships get shed. He has cousins he hasn't talked to in decades.

No douchebags allowed. A rule from when they started his business. Don't break his values.

Stay beyond reproach. At events, if situations get uncomfortable with the opposite sex, he goes straight to his room. "Oh, I'm tired. I'll see everybody in the morning."

Say what needs to be said. In a loving way, but without holding back.

Work ends at a certain time. He tries to follow this one.

Take vacations. No amount of money is worth not taking time with family. One to two vacations per year, non-negotiable.

For you: What would your boundaries list look like if you wrote it out?

When Boundaries Create Friction

George and Liz address the uncomfortable truth. Sometimes when you set boundaries, people won't be happy about it.

George asks the tough question first: Did you skip a step?

"Are they upset because they didn't even realize it was a boundary? You never took time to actually communicate it. They're still programmed on the old system and software, but you've done an upgrade. Well, great. You could've told us there was an update."

But then he goes deeper.

"You gotta come to the realization that it is not your job to make other people happy. It is your job to make you happy. And the true people will be happy for you if you're happy for yourself."

Liz shares her experience. When she started pulling back from relationships where she was basically "Liz as a service," it created friction. Not because she did anything wrong. Because she stopped being available in ways that were draining her.

"It did hurt some relationships. It made me reevaluate who I wanted to have relationships with."

George gets fired up.

"When does growth happen? In times of discomfort. Did that person get discomforted? Yes. Are they growing? Maybe. Is it because you actually had healthy boundaries in place? Absolutely. Is there anything wrong with that? No."

For you: Where might setting a boundary create friction? And is that friction actually a sign you need to set it?

Quotable Moments

"Boundaries are personal guidelines set by an individual to protect their own well-being and protect their values."

"We don't realize that we can renovate. We don't realize that we can put a window in that room, or put an extra door in. Renovate your life and live a life beyond your default."

"It is not your job to make other people happy. It is your job to make you happy. And the true people will be happy for you if you're happy for yourself."

Your Next Move

George closes with a series of questions that cut straight to the center.

Do you have boundaries? Do you know if they're yours or ones that others have programmed you to have? When's the last time you did a boundaries audit in your life?

And then the deeper ones: What are your mental boundaries? Physical boundaries? Spiritual boundaries? Financial boundaries? Relational boundaries? Could you answer any of those right now?

Here's your assignment:

Take inventory. Write down the boundaries you actually have. Not the ones you wish you had. The ones you're currently living by. You might be surprised how few there are. Or how many were set by someone else.

Identify one room that needs renovation. Where have you been living in a space with no windows, no doors, no light? What would it look like to add one?

Communicate a boundary this week. Not aggressively. From a place of love. But clearly. Let someone know what is and isn't acceptable for you.

Notice the friction. When people react negatively to your boundaries, pay attention. That friction might be telling you something about the relationship.

You have to love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time is limited. Your energy is limited. Your life is limited. Draw the property lines. Protect what matters. And renovate the rooms that no longer serve who you're becoming.

Ready to hear the full conversation? Press play above. George shares his full boundaries list, Liz gets vulnerable about her people-pleasing origin story, and together they unpack why the exhaustion you're feeling might have nothing to do with how hard you're working.