Taming Your Ego When You're Too Big for Your Britches

Have you ever been so sure of yourself that life had to break you just to get your attention?

Most of us think ego is a dirty word. Something to kill off. Stamp out. Silence forever. But what if ego isn't the enemy? What if the real problem is that we never learned how to use it?

What This Episode Explores

George and Liz dig into the curious case of good ego versus bad ego. Where the construct in your brain comes from. Why it probably needs an upgrade. And what to do when you realize you've grown too big for your own britches.

The Lessons That Matter

Ego Isn't the Enemy. Being Egotistical Is.

Before anything else, George wants to clear something up.

"I looked at the definition of the word ego," he says. "It literally is a person's sense of self esteem or self importance. And I was like, well, that sounds positive. Why do we talk about ego in a negative way?"

Here's where it gets interesting. We start building our ego around ages 3 or 4. We're trying to figure out what the world is, who we are in it, how to navigate. The problem? Most of us never update that construct.

"Even worse, we have let layers of crap over the years funnel into that construct and define us even more from this infant-style foundation," George explains. "Or some of us have hung on to praise and become very, very self-important. I am the center of my own universe."

There's a difference between ego and being egotistical. Ego is the construct. Egotistical is what happens when that construct goes unchecked. Excessively conceited. Absorbed in oneself. Bloated self-esteem that equals a hollow life.

For you: When's the last time you updated the construct in your brain about who you are? Are you still operating on software you installed at age 4?

Pride Comes Before the Fall (And George Has the Scars to Prove It)

George tells a story he doesn't share often.

After being homeless and believing he'd never amount to anything, he ended up at Faith Ranch, a Christian camp where everything changed. Over three years, he became a horseback riding instructor, a rappelling instructor, an archery instructor, a certified lifeguard. He learned guitar. Led campfire songs. Became, as he puts it, the upper echelon of camp life.

His head got inflated. Big.

"Going from 'you're never gonna amount to anything' to 'man, I am the ultimate guy,'" George recalls. "Back in that day, I wasn't even George because that wasn't cool enough. People called me Geo. So Geo is this alternate guy who's very egotistical. In my brain, I'm always trying to keep Geo at bay and make sure that I'm living life as George."

Then came the motorcycle.

A camp counselor told him it was a bad idea to buy it. George didn't listen. He wanted to be the cool guy. The cool guy in the movies rides the motorcycle.

A few weeks later, he was showing off. Going about 80 in a 55. A possum crossed the road. He swerved. His front tire hit gravel. The bike flipped six times. They found his gas tank 150 yards away.

He woke up in the hospital with a dislocated shoulder and a broken wrist. Two days later, he got up to use the bathroom and realized he couldn't pull up his own pants.

"I had to yell help. Can somebody help me?" George says. "This guy Chuck came and pulled up my pants for me. And I literally shut the door, sat down on the toilet, and bawled my eyes out. Because I realized that to get my attention, God literally had to break me. I had to be at 24 years old not even able to pull up my own pants because I had let ego and pride win."

That's when everything shifted. His life's mission became staying humble. Keeping his feet on the ground. Keeping Geo at bay and just being George.

For you: What would it take to get your attention? Has life already tried to break you, and you missed the message?

The Difference Between Pride and Being Proud

Liz raises an important question. If we're supposed to stay humble, does that mean we can't feel proud of ourselves?

George draws a clear line.

"There's a difference between being proud and pride," he says. "Pride is like an elevated, unhealthy, potentially corrosive to those around you. It can be a turn off."

Here's his test: "I did something that I'm proud of. I go tell a hundred people, it kind of turns into pride. And when I say I tell a hundred people, I don't mean telling a dope story from stage. I mean, 'look at me, I'm the guy.'"

Pride puts blinders on. You lose social awareness. You stop seeing the direction you're heading and the people you're dragging with you.

Being proud is different. You can be proud of the seeds you're sowing. The crop you're growing. The growth of those around you. The scripture George references says it plainly: "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

For you: Are you celebrating your wins or performing them? There's a difference.

Ego Sits Between Pride and Humility

George sees ego as a compass point between two destinations.

"I feel like ego falls right in the middle of pride and humility," he explains. "You can go one way or the other. In my mind, I literally can see the three words with ego in the middle. At least then having somewhat of a compass."

Ryan Holiday's book "Ego is the Enemy" frames it this way: ego sabotages us from long term goals and distracts us from mastery. If you're trying to live beyond your default, you're probably chasing goals and pursuing mastery. That only works if you keep ego in check.

George's 10 years of building mastery around HubSpot, marketing, sales, and communication led to where he is today. But that only happened because he kept ego at bay.

"I don't take myself too seriously," George says. "I don't always have to be right. Ego takes concern and turns it into obsession. Ego takes confidence and turns it into arrogance."

For you: Which direction is your ego pulling you? Toward pride or toward humility?

You Don't Kill Ego. You Silence It.

There's a school of thought that says ego must be destroyed. Burned to the ground. Purged completely.

George calls that horse dung.

"There's a difference between quieting it and killing it," he says. "I have not ever killed my ego. I haven't said death to ego. But I've silenced it to the point where I didn't become an egomaniac or egotistical. And when it does rear its ugly head, I'm quick to beat it right back down to where it belongs."

The research George found distinguishes between ego strength and ego weakness. Strong ego shows up as objectivity, insight, the capacity to organize activities over long time spans, the ability to resist immediate pressure while choosing an appropriate course.

Weak ego looks like impulsive behavior, a fragile sense of identity, unstable emotions, excessive vulnerability. Perception of reality gets distorted. Energy drains into protecting unrealistic self-concepts.

Here's the kicker: ego weakness also underlies the inflated sense of self. Grandiosity. Superiority complex. The loud ego isn't the strong ego. It's often the weakest one in the room.

For you: Is your ego strong enough to be quiet? Or is it so fragile it has to perform?

Quotable Moments

"I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy. That's where I go."

"To get my attention, God literally had to break me."

"There's a difference between being proud and pride. Pride is elevated, unhealthy, potentially corrosive to those around you."

Your Next Move

George offers two sets of questions. Four easy ones. Four hard ones. Use them to check your ego before it wrecks you.

The Easy Four:

Do you have a system of checks and balances for how good things and bad things impact your self-concept?

Do you ask for and actually hear feedback about yourself?

Do you know people on a personal level, or are they just friends, fans, and followers?

Do you truly know yourself?

The Hard Four:

How did I contribute to the conflict I just went through?

Am I considering all of the context in this situation?

Can I stop and see things through someone else's eyes?

Have I arrived, or do I still have room to grow?

That last one matters most. If you feel like you've arrived, your mindset is closed. And a closed mindset can't climb any higher.

Ready to hear the full conversation? Press play above. George shares the complete motorcycle accident story, the identity split between Geo and George, and the moment that changed how he thinks about ego forever.