Victim vs. Victor Mentality: Knowing + Living the Difference

No one is coming to save you.

That's not a punishment. It's not a criticism. It's actually the most liberating truth you'll ever accept. Because once you stop waiting for rescue, you can finally start building.

What This Episode Explores

George and Liz dig into one of the most important distinctions you'll ever make: the difference between being a victim and carrying a victim mentality. They unpack what it actually looks like to shift into a victor's mindset, why most of us have been trained toward victimhood, and what changes when you finally decide to design your life instead of letting it happen to you.

The Lessons That Matter

Being a Victim Is Not the Same as Having a Victim Mentality

George starts the episode by addressing the elephant in the room.

"Being a victim refers to experiencing specific harmful events such as a crime, abuse, discrimination, where one is wronged or mistreated. We've all been there. We've had these moments, and we know we've been a victim."

That's real. That happens. And George is clear: if you've been victimized, he's sorry. He's been there too.

But here's the critical distinction.

"Being a victim is an external reality based on actual events that happen, not a chosen mentality or attitude that we grab a hold of and carry along for our journey. Typically, being a victim is seen as a temporary state with many individuals actively working towards healing and overcoming the impact of their victimization."

Temporary. Active. Working toward healing.

A victim mentality is something else entirely.

"Having a victim mentality is a psychological state where one consistently sees themselves as a victim over and over again, regardless of the actual situation. It involves an internalized belief system that extends beyond specific victimizing events, marked by feelings of powerlessness, blame towards external factors or others for the misfortunes that we're facing, and a sense of being trapped in victimhood."

One is something that happened to you. The other is something you carry with you everywhere you go.

For you: Are you processing a specific event, or have you been carrying a mentality for years?

The Couch and the Colored Flames

George gets vulnerable about where he was before he made the shift.

"Until I was about 27 years old, everything before that was about being a victim. Why do I come from a divorced family? Why am I a high school dropout? Why did I get hives and get an honorable discharge from the navy? Why haven't I been able to find a good job? Why do I feel like I'm a loser? Why is everything going wrong?"

That was the narrative. And it led him to a very dark place.

"This is why there was the time that I talked about in a previous podcast of sitting on the couch looking at the TV and thinking, this place could burn down and I just watched the beautiful colored flames."

Then something changed. He met his wife. They started having children. He found deeper purpose. And he realized something that scared him.

"If I continue to live that mindset, it is contagious. I didn't wanna give my kids. I didn't wanna give my wife this baggage, this disease, this victim mentality."

So he made a choice. He got back to church. He started purposely putting positive things in his brain. And at about 27 years old, he stopped watching the news entirely.

"I couldn't stand the negativity. I couldn't understand the reporting based on the fact that it was trying to get numbers, trying to get watchers."

For you: What are you consuming that's feeding your victim mentality? What would change if you stopped?

From "I Don't Know How" to "But I'm Gonna Figure It Out"

George shares the internal shift that still serves him today.

"The 'I don't know how.' I don't know how to do that. Hey, you could get this great job. I don't know how to do that. Hey, you could have a better life if you would just... I don't know how to do that."

That phrase was a wall. A reason to stay stuck. A permission slip to not try.

Then he changed one word.

"Getting this mind shift from when I would hear myself say 'I don't know how,' follow it up with 'but I'm gonna figure it out.'"

I don't know how to start a business. But I'm gonna figure it out.

I don't know the difference between LLC and s corps. But I'm gonna figure it out.

I don't know how to hire my first employee. But I'm gonna figure it out.

I don't know how to get past this ish in my brain that tells me I'm gonna be a loser. But I'm gonna figure it out.

Same starting point. Completely different ending.

For you: What have you been saying "I don't know how" to? What would happen if you added "but I'm gonna figure it out"?

The War Against Yourself

Liz shares something that stopped me cold.

She talks about the Irish musician Hosier and his album that tracks through Dante's Inferno. The journey from literal hell through purgatory and finally into the light. In the story, the transition is a literal plot point. Dante walks out of a cave and into the light. It just happens.

But in real life?

"When you are a person going through this metaphorical dark night of the soul through your own personal hell, you actually have to make a decision as to when the light appears. You have to make the decision at some point, say the war on myself is over."

Read that again. You have to decide when the war is over.

"That's not ceding accountability from people who absolutely deserve it. That's not diminishing any true acts of victimization that occurred. But at some point, you do have to make that decision. Because what can happen is that you can be the person cowering in a foxhole on a battlefield for a war that ended years ago, but you're too scared to look up and see that there are blue skies above you."

For you: Is the war still going, or are you just afraid to look up?

What a Victor's Mindset Actually Looks Like

George breaks down the key attributes. This isn't about "winning" in the traditional sense. It's about how you show up.

Empowerment. You're not a passive bystander. You actively engage and shape your experiences. This is what George means when he says "It's your life. Design it."

Responsibility and accountability. Rather than attributing challenges or failures to external factors, you look inward to determine how you can change and adapt. You can't change others. You can only change yourself.

Resilience and perseverance. Bouncing back from setbacks. Viewing obstacles as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks. Never giving up.

Positive and proactive attitude. Not waiting for opportunities to come to you. Creating them. Looking for ways to advance instead of shutting down and giving up.

Solution orientation. Instead of dwelling on problems, asking "How can I overcome this?" and "Is it possible?"

Growth mindset. Believing that skills and intelligence can be developed through hard work, dedication, and persistence.

Adaptability and flexibility. Understanding that rigidity is a barrier to success. Being willing to pivot.

George quotes Bruce Lee here: "You must be shapeless, formless like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip, and it can crash. Become like water, my friend."

For you: Which of these attributes do you need to develop most?

The Difference It Makes

George describes what changed when he shifted from victim to victor.

"When I was in victim mentality, multiple jobs, multiple girlfriends, multiple directions, sporadic, chaotic. I was the ball in a pinball machine. No strategy. Just being bounced around."

Then he made the shift.

"Been married for 24 years, known for 26. Been in the same occupation for over 11, almost 12 years now. The jobs I held for the most part were 5 years at a time, which in the marketing space is almost unheard of."

Same person. Same circumstances. Different mentality.

"The perspective and the positivity and the power that you have on one side of this versus the small, unachievable, eke out an existence, lack of possibilities on the other side is just mind blowing."

For you: What would stability and purpose look like in your life?

Quotable Moments

"Once you save yourself, the universe will somehow conspire to help you out, but the work must be ignited from within. At the very end, we are our own victim as well as our own savior." — Omar Sharif

"You can be the person cowering in a foxhole on a battlefield for a war that ended years ago, but you're too scared to look up and see that there are blue skies above you."

"I am willing to give up my past because I believe in my future."

Your Next Move

George closes with a question that cuts deep: Are you in an abusive relationship with yourself? Do you need to break up with your victim so that you can be a victor in the future?

Here's your assignment:

Diagnose it. Ask yourself the hard questions. Are you focusing on blame? How do you view challenges? Are you ruminating on past hurts, or is this something recent? Do you feel in control of your life? Be honest with yourself.

Set a time frame. If something happens that victimizes you, give yourself a reasonable block of time to process it. Know what that window is. If you're still carrying it past that point, recognize that it may have shifted from event to mentality.

Change the phrase. Next time you hear yourself say "I don't know how," add "but I'm gonna figure it out." Do it every time. Make it automatic.

Decide the war is over. At some point, you have to look up from the foxhole. The battle may have ended years ago. Blue skies might be waiting.

You have to abandon the idea that you'll forever be the victim of the things that have happened to you. Choose to be a victor. Choose to design your life. Choose to live a life beyond your default.

Ready to hear the full conversation? Press play above. George shares the story of sitting on that couch at 27, Liz gets vulnerable about years of feeling alone, and together they map out what it actually looks like to shift from victim to victor.