Self-Care: Understanding Its True Value and Impact

What if the thing you think is self-care is actually self-destruction in disguise?

Google "self-care" and you'll find perfectly curated Instagram feeds of bubble baths, expensive skincare routines, and aesthetic coffee bars that cost more than your monthly grocery bill. The message is clear: self-care is a luxury product you can buy, a lifestyle you can filter, a trophy you can display.

That's not what we're talking about today.

In this episode of Beyond Your Default, George and Liz dig into what self-care actually is, why so many of us struggle with it, and how to tell the difference between caring for yourself and hiding from your life. Fair warning: they both admit they're not great at this. And that honesty might be exactly what you need to hear.

The Garden You've Been Neglecting

George opens the episode with a visualization that reframes the entire conversation.

Close your eyes. Picture yourself as a gardener looking after a big, diverse garden. Maybe it's vegetables. Maybe it's flowers. Look over the entire expanse.

In one part of your garden, you've got plants that stand for your physical health. These need exercise, good food, enough sleep. When you walk in the morning, eat healthy meals, make sure you sleep enough, you're taking care of these plants.

Then there's another part with your mental and emotional plants. More sensitive. Needing things that make you feel good and relaxed. Meditation. A hobby. Reading a book. Doing these things is like watering and trimming these plants so they can grow strong and healthy.

The real trick to being a good gardener is being mindful. Walking around your garden, looking into each plant, determining its needs. Noticing when you need to spend more time on one part or let another part just chill for a bit.

"Self-care is actually you're listening to yourself. You're tending to yourself. You're growing yourself. You're treating yourself with kindness and love and paying attention to all that is the self."

And here's the payoff: just like a garden can feed others with its vegetables, you'll be able to feed others through your actions of tending and growing yourself.

The Honest Truth About Where They Stand

George doesn't sugarcoat it.

"Right now, I'm sucking at it. I'm just gonna be honest. I'm glad we're doing this episode so I could do the research to not only prep for the podcast, but also to start moving my mind into a better place."

He describes the pattern he falls into: when it's good, it's good. But when it's not, it's all-in on work. A pot of coffee. Eighteen hours at the desk. Poking his head out just long enough to use the bathroom. He's the guy who said "I can't do this, I have a meeting in 10 minutes" as they rolled him out on a stretcher.

Liz has a different struggle with self-care, but it's just as honest.

"Why did I have such a damaged relationship with self-care? Because I didn't like myself very much. And when you don't like yourself very much, when you look at yourself in the mirror and you do not like who you see, it is very hard to find the wherewithal or the desire to take care of yourself."

She describes struggling to feel like self-care was even valid. Do you really deserve that? Should you still be working? It's a slippery downward slope once you get there.

The Three Weeds Choking Your Garden

George identifies three reasons most of us struggle with self-care. He calls them weeds.

Weed 1: Busy Lifestyle. There's a small fenced-off corner of your garden that is self-care. It's so easy to overlook when you're attending to all the demanding plants. But spending time in that corner fuels everything else.

Weed 2: Guilt and Perception. We feel guilty watering one plant, fearing we're neglecting the others. We think self-care is selfish. But when you nurture the self-care corner, it strengthens the entire garden.

Weed 3: Lack of Awareness. You've never been taught that you're supposed to be treating yourself a certain way. Maybe your parents never had that conversation. Maybe your grandparents were just trying to survive. You don't know what self-care looks like because nobody showed you.

Liz adds another layer: modeling. Her mother self-medicated her way through life. Her father told her at a young age that "the real world doesn't care about your problems." An unintended consequence of a well-intended lesson was that she got trained to deprioritize herself.

And then there's social media, creating completely warped ideas of what self-care should look like. Perfect minimalist surroundings. Thousand-dollar coffee bars. If it doesn't fit into a beautifully designed aesthetic, you're doing it wrong.

Meanwhile, Liz is just trying to find clean pants in the morning.

What Self-Care Is Not

George flips the coin to show what self-care isn't.

Neglecting your basic needs. A gardener can't ignore watering plants or pulling weeds. Self-care isn't about skipping proper nutrition, sleep, or physical activity.

Escapism. There's a difference between entertainment and escape. Binge-watching, overindulging, using activities to avoid addressing problems? That's not self-care. That's hiding.

Perfectionism. Obsessing over every leaf and petal until the joy of gardening is gone. Self-care involves accepting imperfections and understanding that growth is a process, not a destination.

Pleasing everyone. Constantly trying to please others at the expense of your own wellbeing is like a gardener focusing only on the plants that visitors admire while neglecting the ones that bring personal joy.

Liz adds her own: self-care isn't an excuse to hide from the world. It can become a mechanism by which you hide if you're not careful. Self-care has to be an enriching, creative force. Not a flamethrower burning another aspect of your life to the ground.

Is Self-Care Selfish?

George's answer to this question is the shortest segment he's ever done on the podcast. And the most definitive.

He quotes Parker Palmer: "Self-care is never a selfish act. It is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to our true self and give it the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch."

Then George adds his own take: "No. It's not selfish. It's necessary."

He gets passionate about it. If you're going to drive from here to Montana, you have to stop at the gas station. Saying self-care is selfish so you don't do it? That's stupid.

The Five Gardens Within Your Garden

George uses a framework with five areas of self-care: mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and social. He challenges himself to identify his favorite self-care activity in each area.

Mental: Meditation and praying. Taking time to just sit and think. He's got this one covered.

Physical: Walking and swimming. Swimming is his zen place. When he buys a house, one of the first things he'll do is have his own pool.

Emotional: He pauses. Tries. Can't fill in the box. "I don't know what to put in the box that I like to do for emotional self-care. Somebody help me."

Spiritual: Church, whether online or in person. Praying. Reading his bible. Devotions. Check. Got it.

Social: Another pause. "I'm a social butterfly. I post every day on all the social medias. There's thousands of people that follow me." But he can't answer what his self-care looks like in this area either.

Two major gaps. Two sections of the garden that need attention.

Liz suggests that if you don't know how to define it, that's just an area where you need to prioritize more. Different areas may need greater emphasis depending on the season of life you're in.

For her, therapy is emotional self-care. So is sitting with her emotions instead of trying to be productive about them. Social self-care might be going to a coffee shop she loves, or showing up alone to a family-style dinner where she has to meet strangers.

The Line Between Self-Care and Self-Indulgence

George breaks down the difference:

Self-care is purposeful and nourishing. It provides long-term positive effects. It's sustainable without negative consequences. It creates balance across work, relationships, personal growth, and relaxation.

Self-indulgence is focused on immediate gratification. Pleasure without considering long-term effects. It can lead to negative consequences affecting health, finances, and relationships. It's often escapism, avoiding problems.

Finding balance means regular self-reflection, practicing mindfulness in your choices, and emphasizing moderation. One glass of wine instead of thirty-two. A small slice of carrot cake instead of half the cake. One episode instead of seventeen.

Potato Days Are Valid

Liz makes an important point about moderation: sometimes you just need a potato day.

"I will change out of old pajamas into new pajamas. I will make my tea. I will sit on a couch, and I will watch whatever the f I want for however long I want. I'll sit under a blanket. I'll feel nice and snuggly. And you know what? I'm not gonna feel any guilt or shame about it."

It doesn't seem productive or Instagrammable. But it's rest. It's enjoying something you like to do. The line is whether you're doing it on a day when you should be working, or doing it many days in a row.

Sometimes going to the gym on days you don't want to go is self-care. Sometimes sitting still and doing nothing is self-care. The common thread is that it enriches rather than depletes.

How to Actually Start

George offers four practical steps for integrating self-care into your life:

Start small. This doesn't have to be a massive cliff you're trying to jump. Take a 15-minute walk. Sit outside in the sun for 5 minutes. Build sustainable habits without feeling overwhelmed.

Identify activities you enjoy. Self-care should be enjoyable and rejuvenating. Choose activities you genuinely look forward to. It'll make it easier to stick to your routine.

Schedule it. If it doesn't live on your calendar, it doesn't exist. Treat self-care as a nonnegotiable red block that doesn't get moved.

Be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion. It's okay if you don't always stick to your plan. 90% is better than 0%. When you start beating yourself up about self-care, you've missed the entire point.

"Self-care is how you take your power back." — Leila Dalia

"You have to love yourself before you can love others. You have to care for yourself before you care for others."

"No. It's not selfish. It's necessary."

Questions to Sit With

1. If you mapped your self-care across mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and social, which boxes would be empty?
2. What weeds have you let choke your garden? Busyness? Guilt? Lack of awareness?
3. When was the last time you did something purely because it made you feel good, without needing to justify it as productive?

Listen to the full episode to hear George and Liz unpack their honest struggles with self-care, the garden visualization you can use for your own life, and why the sign above every pit stop on your journey beyond your default reads "self-care."