The Transformative Art of Letting Go

What if the thing you're holding on to with both hands is the exact thing keeping you stuck?

We all know we should let go. Of anger. Of fear. Of control. Of the need to be right. Of expectations about how everything should turn out. We understand it intellectually. But when we're actually in the moment, feeling our way through it? That's when letting go feels impossible.

In this episode of Beyond Your Default, George and Liz dig into what it actually means to let go, why it's so hard, and what becomes possible when you finally do. And Liz has a story from her weekend that proves the universe has a sense of humor about these things.

The Weekend the Universe Taught a Lesson

The weekend before recording this episode on letting go, Liz walked out of her office to run a quick errand. Went to get a snack. Let someone into her storage unit. Walked back up to her office door.

Locked.

Behind that door: her phone and her computer. The only other device she had, an iPad, she'd given away to someone that morning. The only meaningful work she'd been able to get done that day? The episode outline for this very episode on letting go.

"There was definitely this very loud scream inside my head. And then this voice just went: well, you can't change it. Not your plan today. This is not the day you were supposed to have."

She had a choice. Have a panic attack for 36 hours until she could get back in. Or become the water.

She ended up having one of the best weekends she'd had in months. Walking around town. Meeting new people. Journaling and writing with no digital distractions. Sitting in reverence of moments she would have ignored to check something off a list.

"I was given a gift to be able to just sit in reverence of a moment that I would have ignored."

Control Is the Real Problem

George doesn't mince words about what's really going on when we struggle to let go.

"Everybody wants to be in control. They want to hold on so tightly to things. And by letting go, by realizing you're not supposed to be in control, it is a form of strength."

He uses a gardening metaphor. When you plant a seed, do you control its growth? No. You wait and watch. It rains. The sun shines. Eventually, the plants have grown. You didn't control the sun or the rain.

"Why can't we realize that we are seeds planted into this world? And it's gonna rain. It's gonna shine. And boom. We're eventually gonna be who we're meant to be."

But here's the uncomfortable truth: when you're buried in control, it's hard to be conscious in life. Control is like a cloud in your brain. Like walking around trying to see the world through cataracts.

Become Like Water

George quotes Bruce Lee, one of his favorites:

"You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip, and it can crash. Become like water, my friend."

For George, this connects to something he used to think was a weakness: his ability to step into any room and become what that room needs. He called it the chameleon effect, and for years, he thought it meant he wasn't being authentic.

Then he read Steal the Show by Michael Port and realized: he wasn't being inauthentic. He was authentically changing into who he needed to be to give value to whatever situation he was in. That's what happens when you let go of who you think you need to be and just become who others need you to be.

What Letting Go Actually Means

George breaks it down into four components:

Emotional Release. Letting go involves releasing negative emotions associated with past events. Anger, resentment, grief, fear. It's about understanding that when you can move past these emotions, you find peace and acceptance.

Acceptance. Being okay with the fact that something just can't be changed. Understanding that life is overabundantly full of surprises and things that don't always go your way. Making peace with how things are even if they're not perfect.

Forgiveness. This can involve forgiving others who have wronged you or forgiving yourself for past mistakes. Letting go in this context means you're no longer allowing these past grievances to dominate your thoughts or dictate your emotions.

Mindfulness and Presence. Letting go encourages living in the present moment rather than being held back by the past or overly anxious about the future. It's about focusing on the now and appreciating current experiences without the weight of past or future burdens.

"If you're gonna live a life beyond your default, you must get control over feeling like you always need to be in control."

What Letting Go Does NOT Mean

This is where George plants a stake in the ground.

It doesn't mean forgetting or erasing your past. George used to think he should hide his story. Being homeless. His humble beginnings. Then Liz asked him: when are you gonna show up as a whole ass human? Letting go is about accepting your past, learning from it, and not allowing it to dictate your present, while still letting it be part of who you are.

It doesn't mean avoiding responsibility. You don't shirk responsibility for your actions or their consequences. It's about releasing the emotional burden while still acknowledging and learning from your experiences.

It doesn't mean ignoring or denying your feelings. George asks a question that stops you cold: "Do you understand your feelings, or do you just have them?" It's about acknowledging your feelings and understanding them so you can release the hold they have over you.

It doesn't mean giving up. "Letting go is not synonymous with giving up or showing weakness. It's a conscious choice to release what no longer serves you, which often requires more strength and courage than holding on to it."

Liz adds one more: letting go doesn't mean becoming a doormat. If someone has genuinely done you harm, you don't need to let go to be the bigger person. Processing anger healthily and holding others accountable are different conversations.

Why It's So Hard

George identifies several reasons we struggle:

Lack of awareness or skills. Some people aren't even fully aware of their need to let go. Or they see it but have no idea how to do it. It can feel like being asked to climb Everest.

Emotional attachment. We develop strong attachments to outcomes, beliefs, people, possessions. These create a sense of identity or security, often false security, making it hard to let go without feeling vulnerable.

Emotional pain. The process of letting go can be emotionally painful. It involves revisiting past hurts or confronting uncomfortable truths. The instinct to avoid pain leads people to resist the process.

Fear of the unknown. Stepping into unfamiliar territory is intimidating. The fear of uncertainty can be more scary than holding on to the familiar, even if the familiar is painful or unproductive.

George traces his own control issues back to his family. Both of his dads lost their fathers at an early age, so they had to be the men of the house. What does that mean to a young man mentally? You better have it on lockdown. You better be 52 steps ahead. And when that's who you're learning from, that's what you become.

"Once I broke that mental cycle, I could let go and let God. I could become the water and not the wall."

What's Really at Stake

Liz delivers one of the most powerful moments of the episode:

"If you cling to things that do not belong to you, if you build a castle that is not meant for you, if you cling to relationships that are not meant for you, if you cling to dreams that are not yours, you will leave no room for the things that you are supposed to have. You want abundance? Then please tell me what parts of your old life do you need to let go in order to create space for it. Because if abundance has no place to come in, if you have no runway for it to exist, my friend, what is it that you are wishing for?"

The Benefits of Letting Go

Emotional Health. Letting go significantly reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. By releasing negative emotions and past grievances, you can experience greater peace, happiness, and emotional resilience.

Improved Relationships. Letting go of past hurts, grudges, and unrealistic expectations transforms relationships. It fosters forgiveness, understanding, and compassion, allowing for healthier and more fulfilling connections.

Personal Growth and Freedom. Letting go encourages you to break free from limiting beliefs, overcome past dramas, and embrace change. This liberation from the past and fear of the future empowers you to live more fully in the present.

The Consequences of Not Letting Go

Chronic Stress and Health Issues. Holding on to negative emotions like anger, resentment, and fear can lead to chronic stress. This can increase the risk of heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, and mental health disorders. When overall quality of life diminishes, "I just want to be happy" becomes almost impossible.

Stagnation and Missed Opportunities. Failing to let go can trap you in the past, preventing forward movement. It hinders progress in careers, relationships, and personal achievements, leading to a life that feels unfulfilled and unactualized.

The Grilled Cheese Moment

Liz shares a contrast that captures everything. A year ago, she was standing on the edge of a cliff in her life. A veil had lifted, and she couldn't unsee how her fear and inability to let go had led to catastrophic consequences.

Then she flashes forward to this year. She had probably the best grilled cheese sandwich of her entire life. She moved her laptop to the side and devoted all her attention to this little sandwich. And she realized: sometime between this sandwich and that cliff, things became fine.

"I could not have predicted that path. I could not have predicted that journey. Letting go is just understanding I have to do the right thing no matter what is on the other side, and you just have to go."

"Letting go is not synonymous with giving up or showing weakness. It's a conscious choice to release what no longer serves you."

"If you can't move forward, you can't get to a life beyond your default. If you can't move forward, it means that you're stuck."

"Do you understand your feelings, or do you just have them?"

Questions to Sit With

1. What attachments do you have in your life that are no longer serving you? What patterns are you repeating over and over again that no longer serve you?
2. Are you holding on to something with both hands right now that's actually holding you back?
3. If abundance had to enter your life tomorrow, is there room for it? Or have you filled every space with things that don't belong to you?

Listen to the full episode to hear George and Liz unpack their personal struggles with control, why letting go often requires more strength than holding on, and what becomes possible when you finally release what no longer serves you.